Officially Diagnosed

I warn anyone who is going to read this. This blog will contain some personal information, and possibly some gross information. At this point, I have no shame and want to educate everyone on this debilitating disease. So, if you're not too comfortable, I suggest not reading this blog. But, it won't be THAT bad.

Well, as many of you already know, I went in on Friday for a procedure where the my Urologist went to take a look up inside my bladder to look for signs of Interstitial Cystitis (IC). He found a sign. I apparently have hemmorages inside my bladder. Apparently, this is a sign of IC. My poor bladder walls are damaged/injured. For what ever cause, I have no clue. No one knows what causes IC. We did not discuss much information or treatments to start since I was considered "a little out of it," and I wouldn't remember. He wants to see me for a follow up appointment in 2 weeks. I guess that is when we will talk about all of this.

I've always had a feeling in the back of my mind when all of this first began back in July that it could be IC. I just had this gut feeling. Well, when I was officially diagnosed on Friday, my whole world came crumbling down even some more (even though I knew this was coming). Nothing is more devasting to hear that you're diagnosed with a disease that is incurable, no one knows what causes it, but there are treatments, but not all of them work. It's like a trial and error thing, and all treatments take a LONG TIME to see if they work. Basically, when I heard the words, "You have Interstitial Cystitis," all I heard in my head was, "Be prepared to feel constant discomfort and pain for a while until we can figure things out." I've already been in SO much discomfort for 2 months now. I don't know how much more I can take. I'm frightened and scared to death, and I'm always questioning, "What am I going to do?"

I can say that after 2 months of this, I am pretty much psychologically scarred. I mean, you would be if you were in CONSTANT chronic pain and discomfort and it's altering your life. I try not to let it, but unfortunately, this thing has such physical control over me, that even a push to try to get through it only makes it worse. I force myself out of bed and go to work, but by the end of the day, I'm squeezing my legs together so tightly while hurled over a piece of furniture crying in pain/discomfort and begging to God to take my illness away from me. It's quite depressing. I'm tired of crying in pain, discomfort, and the fact that I'm DESPERATE to get my body back to feeling normal so I can physically function (pain and discomfort free) again. Don't get me wrong. I'm not negative ALL of the time, but I do have many ups and downs. I TRY TRY TRY to remain positive and tell myself it will all go away, but it's so hard to when you wake up feeling the same way every day and there's no decrease in your symptoms. It's kind of hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you see absolutely no improvement for 2 months straight.

Which leads me to my next thing. It has been 3 weeks now since I've started the Elmiron and been on my strict diet. So far, I don't think I can tell much of a difference. Friday, I was so nauseated from the anesthesia that I threw up my first dose of the day. There's one pill down the toilet....literally. Post procedure, I was fine overall. Kind of sleepy, nauseated, but I didn't have that instant urge that some people were saying I would have when I woke up. Peeing for the first time after surgery hurt SO BAD. I felt like I was peeing shards of glass. Luckily, they gave me a little pill that eases it. It's been two days, and it doesn't hurt to pee as much. My symptoms are pretty much still the same....go figure. My current symptoms are:
Urgency
Frequency
Tightening/painful ache "down there," around urethra area, underside of buttocks, and in the crease of my left inner thigh. *This all hurts worse with walking and standing.*

There is a possibility that I have developed some pelvic floor dysfunction from this IC thing. My doctor told me that all of that painful/tightening ache I feel occurs in most IC patients. Great......another thing to worry about and treat. He said we can start treating this if this continues to be an issue. Well, it's been an issue for a month now, and I'm going to bring that up to him at my follow up.

Tyson has been as much of a trooper as he can be. This is NOT how I pictured our first year of marriage to be like. He tries to comfort me, but often gets frustrated when I seem negative about the situation. Like I said, I try to be positive, but no one will understand why I can easily fall into a negative state until they have experienced this for themselves. I WOULD NEVER wish this upon ANYONE.....EVER! Doctors/scientists/researchers...WHATEVER....have related the symptoms of IC to the pain and discomfort of end stage cancer. Fabulous..... Not....

Anyways, I'll continue to keep everyone posted. I'm sorry there has been no positive blogs or any blogs that have some variety. When it boils down to it, nothing new is going on. Again, I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers and any help they can give me.

I pray that they find a cure for this thing REALLY soon. I wish I knew how to create more awareness of this very confusing bladder disease. More and more doctors, researchers, and scientists are becoming more familiar with the disease, so hopefully, the end to this pain is near.