Okay. I'm just going to put it out there, and I'm basically going to tell it like it is because I think a lot of moms aren't honest enough or are too scared of what the public will think of them, like they're a bad mom. I'm not going to sugar coat this, honey. So, to all my child-less friends, if you don't want to hear the truth about being a brand new mother and me possibly ruining the whole novelty of getting preggo, then x out of this as quick as possible. Call me mother of the year, but....here goes...
NEGATIVES...
NEGATIVES...
I'm a prisoner in my own home. It's hard to get out and run any errands when you have a baby that wants the boob every 2 hrs. starting from the last feeding. For example, say you begin feeding at 10:00....well, it takes about average 30-45 mins. to feed. Add in the baby constantly wanting to fall asleep on the boob and you having to do everything to wake it, then add the burping, etc.....it can take almost an hour for the whole process. Then, that leaves you with just ONE HOUR of no baby on the boob. Once that hour is up, it's 12:00 and back to the boob the baby goes. It's. So. Annoying. And don't even get me STARTED on what it does to your nipples. By the second week, I would almost cry when she would cry wanting to eat again. I didn't want to feel the pain of her latching on to my already stinging, sore nipples. I leak milk through my bras and shirts constantly, and I'm constantly engorged. In the first two weeks, I caught a fever for a week because of this. It started brewing an infection. Let me tell you how miserable it is to be feeling all feverish and like sh*t WHILE recouping from a c-section and trying to tend to your newborn's 24-7 needs. Miserable.
I can't take a shower, put on makeup, or do ANYTHING around this house because I have to carry her 24-7. She cannot be put down for more than 10 seconds without fussing. I do have a sling I try to use, but it's a hit or miss on whether she wants to be in it or not. She will not nap during the day unless she's on you. If for some miracle she DOES decide to nap, you bet I'm running around the house like a maniac trying to take care of some needs. I'm typing this FRANTICALLY right now before she wakes up, so please excuse any errors on this post.
Future mamas, it's a 24-7 job with a newborn. What people DON'T tell you is the good, the bad, AND the ugly. I wish someone told me about the ugly. I had absolutely no clue, so take this post as doing you a favor. *wink* Here I was all worried about just sleep deprivation; but honestly, that's the LEAST of my problems here. For some reason, everything else bothers me but the lack of sleep. I just want to be able to put my baby down long enough to take a shower, get dressed, and put on makeup. It's such a PAIN. IN. THE. ASS when you have to be somewhere and get dressed for it, but you have to get your baby down to nap before you can do it......That's IF the child will even nap. If you have to be at an doctor's appointment, or any function by 10:30 a.m., you better be getting your baby fed, tended to, dressed, you dressed, etc. starting at around 6 a.m. if you want any chance of getting out that door in time. That goes for ANY time of the day. Allow yourself like 4 hours to get out the door. I WILL say, luckily mine has figured out day from night, so she doesn't have that day/night confusion; but what sucks is that she won't nap during the day UNLESS she's in someone's arms. She's too alert during the day. There goes my shower and the whole getting dressed thing out the door to be somewhere. Now, I will spend every second stressing on how in the WORLD I'm going to accomplish this task and get to an appointment on time.
My house is a disaster and I haven't been able to go to the store and cook for my husband or for myself. Eating and going to the bathroom is damn near impossible, especially when you have a hubs that works shift work or is gone for class. High five to single moms!!!!! I don't know how you do/did it. I've come to terms that all of this is just going to have to wait (well, the eating and bathroom thing can't) until I get more into the swing of things and Brynlee rolls on through the weeks and matures a little more so I can put her down for more than 10 seconds, or she can like the Baby Bjorn or Moby type wrap for longer periods. All of this is mostly killing me because I feel like such a horrible wife. I feel so bad delegating the household responsibilities to my husband especially when he's working full time and going to school practically full time. I'm finding that I'm trying to be superwoman and do it all myself as far as doing all the baby things, which isn't panning out too well. I wearing myself thin and Mama needs a baby break sometimes. I'm already getting burnt out some days.
POSITIVES...
Now, off the negativity train and on to the positives. I honestly feel like this whole process has made my husband and I closer than before. I feel VERY lucky in this department. Yes. Life is different. No longer can my husband and I go to dinner on a whim or snuggle up on the couch. Good GAWD I'm already missing those days! It's honestly very hard to find time for each other right now. We can't even eat dinner together. When one's eating, one is tending to the baby and then we switch off. When one is trying to settle the baby for bed, one is in the other room relaxing or cleaning things up and getting the baby things ready for the next day. It makes me sad. HOWEVER!!!....at night once Brynlee is down (if Tyson is not working that night), we find a way to snuggle and tell each other how much we love each and appreciate each other for all that each of us are doing. For a new Daddy, I feel Tyson has been such a huge help, and he's doing oh-so-much more than I ever expected. I am truly forever grateful and blessed.
Another positive. My daughter is absolutely beautiful and looks just like her daddy. She melts my heart. She's changed so much since the day she was born. She looks so much more alert and I love watching her when she's alert. She's all wide eyed and looking around at anything that catches her attention. When she cries from a hurt, I embrace her so tight to try and make her feel better because I love her so much. About a week ago, Tyson took pictures of her while I was bathing her. Here are some of our favorite shots...
Ugh! She's just so sweet! I can't wait until she smiles at me and gives me that look of, "Thanks Mommy for feeding me. Thanks Mommy for getting that poop off my butt. Thanks Mommy for cuddling with me." I can't wait until she gets older and communicates with me. I can't wait for those little pigtails.
IN THE END...
Once all is said and done, I'm just a new, first time mom trying to adjust to life with a new baby. I'm having to learn to multi-task, such as holding my baby while eating and picking up anything that dropped on the ground with my toes and trying to fling it up and catch it with a free hand. Or, like rocking and bopping my baby in a sling on my chest while doing my makeup. Try that skill when you're trying to put on mascara....HAHA!!!
I'm SO very grateful to be living with family near by. They have been a huge help, especially in these early weeks when I'm so overwhelmed and just need a baby break. I actually was able to get dressed, makeup and all, one day while my stepmom watched Brynlee. She watched her while Tyson and I had a lunch date and ran important errands that we wouldn't have been able to fully accomplish with baby in tow. It's funny how just putting on a little makeup can make you feel human again. And as some of you know, makeup is my THING, so it's killing me that I have not a second to apply some when I want to go out in public.
I keep getting told that this will all get easier, and I keep that hope. I have even been told that I will forget all of this once it's over with. I don't know. I was also told that you would forget what contractions felt like once you had your beautiful baby in your arms, and I sure as HELL haven't forgotten them. Makes me shudder and shiver every time I think about how BAD mine were. Ugh...horrible.
I think this stage is the perfect birth control because I don't think I will ever forget this. I think I was meant to just be a Mama to one baby and devote all my attention and energy to my one child. I'm not a spoiler. In fact, I'm actually really tough. Just ask my students. I give a lot of tough love, don't take crap, and push my kiddos to challenge themselves. I sure as hell hope I can be that to my little girl. I know it will probably get tough because she's MINE and I'll be tempted to spoil. We'll just see...
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