Adjusting to the Life of a Family of Three!

 Our daughter is now 5 1/2 weeks old.  Basically, she's already almost a month and a half!

FIST BUMP!

That was a FAST month, but time seemed to stand still when I was sitting there holding and bopping my constant fussy baby 24-7, while running on only a few hours of sleep at a time.  That would make anyone get on their knees and beg for mercy.  It's exhausting!!!  The first 3 weeks were HARRRRD, as you could tell from my last post.  I don't regret writing that post, and NO I am NOT depressed or resent my child.  It was my way of saying, "Hey!  Parenting a newborn is tough stuff!!!"  Plus, there is such a thing as baby blues (WHICH IS NORMAL!!!) from a sudden drop in hormones that DO go away after a couple of weeks.  I no longer lose it and cry over anything and everything.  I hope to show my "Confessions of a First Time Mom" post to my daughter one day to scare her enough to WAIT.  If she's anything like mommy, just showing her that you don't shower for a couple of days and it's tough to find time to put on your makeup and do your hair just might scare her a little.  Tee hee hee....

I loved all the great, personal messages I was getting on Facebook from those that LOVED and related to the post.  It felt good to hear that other mommies didn't like the newborn stage, as well.  They wrote to me telling me how they remembered this stage when their children were newborns and related to it SO WELL and.that I was RIGHT?!  No one just comes out and tells it like it is.  I'm blunt, honest, and I'm not going to lie and say I was born to be a mommy that just loves that fresh, couple week old newborn stage.  More power to the women who love it.  I'm just not one of them.  

Already, Brynlee has changed so much as far as growth, development, feeding, and fussiness.  Don't get me wrong.  It's still no walk in the park.  It's still hard.  BUT!!!  We're all adjusting now that we've gotten past that few weeks of newborn life stage.  I'm already starting to get excited about all her new developments.  She's even now SMILING!!!!!  I got my first 3 BIG ones last week.  Tyson put her in our bed after she woke up.  I had just come out of the bathroom, started talking to Tyson, and she turned her head to look at me because she recognized my voice.  I hovered over her, and in a baby voice I said, "Do you recognize Mommy's voice?"  That's when she gave me 3 big cooing/gurgling smiles in a row.

I'm learning her cries, what she needs, and how to calm the fussiness a little better.  I've learned most her fussiness is due to being overtired, and I'm not getting her to wind down fast enough.  She seems to already have a built in routine....sort of.  Once she's overstimulated, it's fuss city.  She sleeps VERY well at night, but sucks at it during the day time.  She just gets WAY too overstimulated.  She's a MUCH happier baby, though, when she's gotten at least a couple of good naps in the day time PLUS she's easier to put down at night when she's gotten a few good afternoon naps.  And, yes, even with naps during the day, she sleeps nice, long stretches at night.  Sleep DEFINITELY seems to beget sleep for her.

 We've introduced the pacifier to start calming her down more.  I wanted to wait until we got breastfeeding well established.  I am not a big advocate of using it as a sleep aid/prop. It just doesn't work for me.  Yes, during afternoon naps she starts to doze with it once in a while, but she's usually drowsy and it'll fall out and then she'll either wake up or start to snooze into a deeper sleep.  I just don't want her to fall into a deep sleep with it in her mouth for reasons that will take me too long to explain in this post.  I use it to get her to calm down and satisfy that natural suck reflex that babies have at this age.  Basically just to soothe her when we're in fuss city.  It has definitely helped!  For as far as going to bed at night, I do what is called the 3 B's.  Bath, boob, and bed.  I give her a bath, feed her, then rock her till she falls into a deep sleep.  That routine seems to work for us and for me as a mommy that needs to stay sane.

Her feeding has gotten MUCH better.  No longer does she snooze on the boob.  She'll close her eyes once in a while, but she still suckles.  She's MUCH more efficient.  Now, I'm no longer spending an hour feeding her.  It takes her 20-30 minutes TOPS!  Thank. The. Lord.  She's stretching to 3 hour feeding periods once in a while throughout the day with some 2 hour.  Fine with me!  I'm not a prisoner of my own home anymore.  Now that's she's more efficient and taking longer stretches to eat, I'm able to get out and get a few things accomplished out in the open world.  I no longer have anxiety about leaving the house and her blowing a gasket because she needs to eat.  Oh...And just in case you wanted to know, my nipples are doing much better.

I've learned how to shower and put on makeup with her.  At first, I didn't like how I had to do it.  I just wasn't used to it and was used to have some free hands and just my "me" time.  I have to do it a little differently now, but YOU ADJUST!  It starts becoming a routine.  I have that type of personality that HATES change and HATES changing the way I have to do things, but I adapt, and I've adapted.  Now, it's getting easier for me to come to grips that I can just let her lie in her swing in front of the shower while I shower and let her be in the Baby Bjorn while I put on makeup.  If she fusses, shes fusses.  Mommy has got to do what she has got to do.  She'll eventually wind down.  But!  I think she's also maturing a little more with each passing week.  I don't think in week 1 or 2 I would have been able to do this with her without her full blown wailing.

So, we've started creating little bits of routine here and there.  Brynlee has been sleeping great at night with on average one 7 hour stretch of sleep.  Unfortunately, it's not uninterrupted sleep for me because I have to get up to pump on a missed feeding because I'm so engorged and in so much pain and leaking like a faucet.  I'm actually producing an overabundance of milk and am having to get that under control.  Today is the first day I feel like it's starting to even out a little more....FINALLY!!!!  My boobs went a whole 9 1/2 hours last night with me not waking up in pain and leaking, needing to pump.  Needless to say, I got a whole 6 straight hours of sleep last night, and I feel GREAT today!  Brynlee slept about 9 hours straight last night, which allowed me this 6 hour stretch.  I WISH my body could unwind and I could go to bed when she does.  I would have gotten 9 hours!

Overall, I'm falling more in love with our daughter every day.  I love talking to her, and when she coos back at me, it's super special and REALLY cute!  I ESPECIALLY love her really cute smile.  I can't wait to see how much more she changes with each passing week.  It's really fun to watch her grow and change!

MY BEAUTY...

Confessions of a First Time Mom

     Okay.  I'm just going to put it out there, and I'm basically going to tell it like it is because I think a lot of moms aren't honest enough or are too scared of what the public will think of them, like they're a bad mom.  I'm not going to sugar coat this, honey.  So, to all my child-less friends, if you don't want to hear the truth about being a brand new mother and me possibly ruining the whole novelty of getting preggo, then x out of this as quick as possible.  Call me mother of the year, but....here goes...

NEGATIVES...

I HATE the newborn stage.  I totally DISLIKE this stage.  I've decided that just like contractions, I NEVER want to go through this EVER again.  I bow down to moms who seem to have this crazy idea that it would be fun to have another one and start this process all over again.  I don't know how you do it.  It's very overwhelming, time consuming, and just plain constant.  Add in me coming down from the pregnancy hormones.....what a MESS!!!  Plus, it's quite boring and exhausting all at the same time.  I was never meant to be a mother to a newborn, only to when they're a little older and more fun.  Though, I DO absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE my daughter to pieces; however, I spend my days constantly either feeding and changing her, holding her, bopping her, or trying to get her to sleep since babies this age can't do it themselves.  Every night it's a hour and a half to two hour process to get her bathed, fed, ready for bed, and then having to rock her to sleep.  The rocking is hard work because my baby seems to fight sleep and take a while to calm down or unwind.  It's just plain exhausting.  There is no reward at this stage.  I get no smile, no hugs, no kisses.......just a baby that has quiet alert for 10 minutes and then it turns into a fussy baby that is fussing because she wants something else and I have to figure it out.  Feed, change, hold, bop, put to sleep, feed, change, hold, bop, put to sleep, feed, change, hold, bop, put to sleep.  IT.  IS.  NEVER.  ENDING.

I'm a prisoner in my own home.  It's hard to get out and run any errands when you have a baby that wants the boob every 2 hrs. starting from the last feeding.  For example, say you begin feeding at 10:00....well, it takes about average 30-45 mins. to feed.  Add in the baby constantly wanting to fall asleep on the boob and you having to do everything to wake it, then add the burping, etc.....it can take almost an hour for the whole process.  Then, that leaves you with just ONE HOUR of no baby on the boob.  Once that hour is up, it's 12:00 and back to the boob the baby goes.  It's. So. Annoying.  And don't even get me STARTED on what it does to your nipples.  By the second week, I would almost cry when she would cry wanting to eat again.  I didn't want to feel the pain of her latching on to my already stinging, sore nipples.  I leak milk through my bras and shirts constantly, and I'm constantly engorged.  In the first two weeks, I caught a fever for a week because of this.  It started brewing an infection.  Let me tell you how miserable it is to be feeling all feverish and like sh*t WHILE recouping from a c-section and trying to tend to your newborn's 24-7 needs.  Miserable.

I can't take a shower, put on makeup, or do ANYTHING around this house because I have to carry her 24-7.  She cannot be put down for more than 10 seconds without fussing.  I do have a sling I try to use, but it's a hit or miss on whether she wants to be in it or not.  She will not nap during the day unless she's on you.  If for some miracle she DOES decide to nap, you bet I'm running around the house like a maniac trying to take care of some needs.  I'm typing this FRANTICALLY right now before she wakes up, so please excuse any errors on this post.

Future mamas, it's a 24-7 job with a newborn.  What people DON'T tell you is the good, the bad, AND the ugly.  I wish someone told me about the ugly.  I had absolutely no clue, so take this post as doing you a favor. *wink*  Here I was all worried about just sleep deprivation; but honestly, that's the LEAST of my problems here.  For some reason, everything else bothers me but the lack of sleep.  I just want to be able to put my baby down long enough to take a shower, get dressed, and put on makeup.  It's such a PAIN. IN. THE. ASS when you have to be somewhere and get dressed for it, but you have to get your baby down to nap before you can do it......That's IF the child will even nap.  If you have to be at an doctor's appointment, or any function by 10:30 a.m., you better be getting your baby fed, tended to, dressed, you dressed, etc. starting at around 6 a.m. if you want any chance of getting out that door in time.  That goes for ANY time of the day.  Allow yourself like 4 hours to get out the door.  I WILL say, luckily mine has figured out day from night, so she doesn't have that day/night confusion; but what sucks is that she won't nap during the day UNLESS she's in someone's arms.  She's too alert during the day.  There goes my shower and the whole getting dressed thing out the door to be somewhere.  Now, I will spend every second stressing on how in the WORLD I'm going to accomplish this task and get to an appointment on time.

My house is a disaster and I haven't been able to go to the store and cook for my husband or for myself.  Eating and going to the bathroom is damn near impossible, especially when you have a hubs that works shift work or is gone for class.  High five to single moms!!!!!  I don't know how you do/did it.  I've come to terms that all of this is just going to have to wait (well, the eating and bathroom thing can't) until I get more into the swing of things and Brynlee rolls on through the weeks and matures a little more so I can put her down for more than 10 seconds, or she can like the Baby Bjorn or Moby type wrap for longer periods.  All of this is mostly killing me because I feel like such a horrible wife.  I feel so bad delegating the household responsibilities to my husband especially when he's working full time and going to school practically full time. I'm finding that I'm trying to be superwoman and do it all myself as far as doing all the baby things, which isn't panning out too well.  I wearing myself thin and Mama needs a baby break sometimes.  I'm already getting burnt out some days.

POSITIVES...

Now, off the negativity train and on to the positives.  I honestly feel like this whole process has made my husband and I closer than before.  I feel VERY lucky in this department.  Yes.  Life is different.  No longer can my husband and I go to dinner on a whim or snuggle up on the couch.  Good GAWD I'm already missing those days!  It's honestly very hard to find time for each other right now.  We can't even eat dinner together.  When one's eating, one is tending to the baby and then we switch off.  When one is trying to settle the baby for bed, one is in the other room relaxing or cleaning things up and getting the baby things ready for the next day.  It makes me sad.  HOWEVER!!!....at night once Brynlee is down (if Tyson is not working that night), we find a way to snuggle and tell each other how much we love each and appreciate each other for all that each of us are doing.  For a new Daddy, I feel Tyson has been such a huge help, and he's doing oh-so-much more than I ever expected.  I am truly forever grateful and blessed.

Another positive.  My daughter is absolutely beautiful and looks just like her daddy.  She melts my heart.  She's changed so much since the day she was born.  She looks so much more alert and I love watching her when she's alert.  She's all wide eyed and looking around at anything that catches her attention.  When she cries from a hurt, I embrace her so tight to try and make her feel better because I love her so much.  About a week ago, Tyson took pictures of her while I was bathing her.  Here are some of our favorite shots...

Ugh!  She's just so sweet!  I can't wait until she smiles at me and gives me that look of, "Thanks Mommy for feeding me.  Thanks Mommy for getting that poop off my butt.  Thanks Mommy for cuddling with me."  I can't wait until she gets older and communicates with me.  I can't wait for those little pigtails.


IN THE END...

Once all is said and done, I'm just a new, first time mom trying to adjust to life with a new baby.  I'm having to learn to multi-task, such as holding my baby while eating and picking up anything that dropped on the ground with my toes and trying to fling it up and catch it with a free hand.  Or, like rocking and bopping my baby in a sling on my chest while doing my makeup.  Try that skill when you're trying to put on mascara....HAHA!!!

 I'm SO very grateful to be living with family near by.  They have been a huge help, especially in these early weeks when I'm so overwhelmed and just need a baby break.  I actually was able to get dressed, makeup and all, one day while my stepmom watched Brynlee.  She watched her while Tyson and I had a lunch date and ran important errands that we wouldn't have been able to fully accomplish with baby in tow.  It's funny how just putting on a little makeup can make you feel human again.  And as some of you know, makeup is my THING, so it's killing me that I have not a second to apply some when I want to go out in public.

I keep getting told that this will all get easier, and I keep that hope.  I have even been told that I will forget all of this once it's over with.  I don't know.  I was also told that you would forget what contractions felt like once you had your beautiful baby in your arms, and I sure as HELL haven't forgotten them.  Makes me shudder and shiver every time I think about how BAD mine were.  Ugh...horrible.

I think this stage is the perfect birth control because I don't think I will ever forget this.  I think I was meant to just be a Mama to one baby and devote all my attention and energy to my one child.  I'm not a spoiler.  In fact, I'm actually really tough.  Just ask my students.  I give a lot of tough love, don't take crap, and push my kiddos to challenge themselves.  I sure as hell hope I can be that to my little girl.  I know it will probably get tough because she's MINE and I'll be tempted to spoil.  We'll just see...


 

Brynlee's Birth Story

 And to think, it all started with this....

March 23rd, 2013 was a day that completely changed our lives.  Here's Brynlee's birth story...finally...

Friday, March 22nd, I just had this gut feeling that THAT night would be the night I would go into labor, plus, I felt a little funky with my body.  I didn't hurt.  I just felt different.  But also by that point, I was fairly uncomfortable with the excruciating itching of the PUPPPS pregnancy rash all over my body and just wanted her out so I could start to get some relief.  I had been suffering for almost 2 weeks with it.

Of course, since I had that itchy rash, I couldn't sleep.  So, I was up ALLLLL night, lying in bed, researching on how soon I could possibly go into labor based on my current measurements.  Which reminds me...  I never got to give you all a 39 week update since labor came before I had time to write it up.  At my 39 week appointment, I was 60% effaced, still 3 cm dilated; but, then we did the membrane sweep I had mentioned and as soon as we did it, I immediately went to about 4.5-5 cm. dilated.  I also had a bulging bag of water.  I was so frustrated at that point and didn't understand how I was still pregnant with all of these measurements.

So, I'm up doing all of this research, and at around 2 a.m. and 39 weeks, 6 days pregnant and  4 days after my 39 week appointment, I guess you could say it all started.  I felt my strong Braxton Hicks that I have been normally feeling off and on for the past 3ish weeks, so I thought nothing of it.  But, they started to come on a little more frequent, and I started leaking a little more fluid than I usually do; but, it WASN'T my water breaking.  I still thought nothing of it.  I had read a lot about false labor and wasn't going to get my hopes up.  Around my 36-37 week mark, there had only been one time that Braxton Hicks were so strong that I thought I was going to go into labor.  But, they eventually let up after 4 hours.  I was having that feeling again while I lied in bed doing my research, but, like I said, I thought nothing of it; however, I WAS starting to feel it more in my back as well.  Just in case, though, I started to time them just to see how far apart the contractions were.  The times were so erratic.  Four minutes here, 7 minutes there, 11 minutes here, etc.  Plus, I was having a hard time telling when they were stopping, because they weren't really just "going away", so I couldn't get an accurate time. 

2:15 a.m. hits and Tyson comes home from work.  He looks at me and asks me if everything is okay.  I tell him in a nonchalant way, "Fine.  Just having contractions."  He then told me that he was going to quickly run to the gas station to fill his dad's car up with gas.  Hugh and Nancy came down a little early just in case Brynlee would arrive sooner than later.  After 3 days of no baby, Hugh decided he was going to head back to Austin and return when he heard I was going into labor, so Tyson wanted to be nice and fill his car up with gas for the drive. 

Anyways, Tyson leaves and as SOON as he gets back around 2:45, my first really HARD contraction hit.  We're talking, I grabbed on to the sheets of our bed, thrusted my upper body upwards, and started to moan in pain.  It felt like nothing I've ever felt before, and it was REALLY strong in my back.  Not even a split second later, another strong contraction hit and I moaned louder.  I must have looked and sounded in a lot of pain because Tyson crouched down really fast to me and panicked in a sort of calm-ish way, asking me, "Baby, what do you need me to do?! What do you need me to do?!"  I told him nothing and then ANOTHER one hit IMMEDIATELY.  At that point, I told him, "I think I need to start timing these."  So I did, and it was coming out to be contractions every 2 minutes.  I literally went from zero to sixty in a matter of one hour.  I did not pass go.  I did not collect $200.  I went from the normal, false labor pains I was used to getting for about 3 weeks now to HOLY SHIT!!!! (pardon the language, but that's how it pretty much went down).  There was no build up like I thought would happen.  It came fast and furious.

After about a few more excruciating contractions in less than 10 minutes, I started doubting if this was really it...like an idiot. I kept telling Tyson that I didn't know if we should start getting ready and head to the hospital only to be turned away; but, after what I was feeling and seeing that the contractions were about every 2 minutes to the tee, I hesitantly started getting dressed while Tyson frantically packed the rest of the last minute essentials for the hospital.  While I was getting dressed, louder moans started to come from me.  I could barely walk and talk.  I was grabbing on to everything.  Tyson was asking me questions and I was getting pissed because I couldn't answer them.  And get this.....I was STILL thinking we shouldn't go to the hospital.....again.....like an idiot.  Tyson wakes his mom up to confirm I'm ready to go to the hospital.  She came into our master bath to find my hunched over and moaning, and pretty much gave a look of, "Yep!  Time to go!"

We finally get everything ready and get in the car around just after 3 something in the morning.  That's when the REALLY fun part of contractions hit.  Just to remind you, my "light" contractions hit almost a little over an hour ago, and now I'm doubling over in pain.  At that point, I started screaming, grabbing on to the seat belt and lifting my bottom off the seat.  Tyson was asking me so many questions.  I finally got so irritated and told him to stop asking me questions in the middle of contractions.  He then apologized and told me he thought I was done with my contraction and that's why he asked.  What he didn't know is that there's a part where you scream, and then as you're coming down from the contraction, you're trying to focus on the pain after the feeling of your uterus getting ripped out type of pain goes away.  At one point, Tyson had to turn his head and laugh.  I saw him, but didn't say anything.  He was lucky I was in too much pain. :)

It's about a 15 minute drive to the hospital from our house, and it felt like an eternity.....and Tyson was speeding.  I started freaking out thinking we won't get to the hospital in time for my epidural because of where I was already measuring and the fact that my contractions were absolutely re-DONK-u-lous at that point.  I felt like I was going to have her in the car.  I kept praying we'd get there fast so I could get the epidural.

We get to the hospital around 3:40 a.m. and Tyson dropped me off so I could start heading to labor and delivery while he parked the car.  While walking to labor and delivery, I continued to have screamingly, painful contractions.  At that point, I wasn't walking.  I was slowly shuffling.....like I took a dump in my pants....hunched over and grabbing onto the walls....screaming.  The hospital was quiet with no people.  Makes sense being that it's almost 4 in the morning, but I couldn't help but be a little worried that someone would see me and want to help me.  I wanted to be left alone.  Tyson finally walks in and I basically used him as a crutch to make it the rest of the way to labor and delivery.  We had to pause a few times to get me through contractions.  Once we got into L&D, he saw a wheelchair and asked me if I wanted to sit down.  I raised my voice and told him, "No!" and that I felt better standing during a contraction.  Poor guy.

We make it to where we have to sign in.  I ATTEMPTED to sign in and answer questions, but I had to stop to scream and moan for contractions.  Tyson had to finish everything out for me.  As I was coming off of one, a nurse brought over a wheelchair and asked me to sit.  I said "Thank you," and sat.  Tyson still gives me crap today on how I sat for the nurse but not for him.  I tell him it's because I was coming off of a contraction when I was offered one by the nurse, but I was in the middle of one when he asked me, and I liked it better standing for contractions.

We were then directed over to a little room to get me all checked out and asked MORE questions.  All I could think was good GAWD just get me into MY room and give me the epidural!  So I get into a gown, start having even STRONGER contractions to the point I'm crying, screaming, panting, and shouting, "I CAN'T!  I CAN'T!  I CAN'T!!!"  It was then the nurse had the nerve to say, "Shhh...You're working yourself up."  It was then I almost lost it like Katherine Heigl did in the movie "Knocked Up" when the nurse tells her to quiet down.  I wanted to be like, "Are you effin' sh*tting me!?!?!?"  I couldn't believe she actually said that to me.  I wasn't "working myself up."  These contractions felt like menstrual cramps times 100, complete with a touch of a warm burning, and a feeling like someone is grabbing your uterus and pulling it really hard every which way and out of your crotch all while ripping muscles at your lower back......yeah....it was pretty much THAT BAD! I was having a lot of back labor.  The nurse painfully checked me to the point it hurt so bad that I accidentally smacked her on her butt and apologized.  At that point I was 100% effaced and almost to 5 cm dilated.  Before we left THAT room, the nurse finished all her checking, questioning, and shushing me and FINALLY called someone to get me my epidural ready.

We finally got me into the room and we got a new nurse.  I liked her better.  But THEN she tells me that we have to start the IV, pump me with a bag full of fluids, draw blood, and get lab results back BEFORE I got my epidural.  It was about 4:45 a.m. ish at this time, and I wanted to just lose it at that point.  I didn't think I could wait any longer for that epidural and go through another contraction.  I was already sweating profusely from them (NO JOKE!!!) and I was shaking uncontrollably from the pain.  I was also shaking with fear because I was just anticipating the next one to come.  Every time one would, I TRIED to slow my breathing and think of waterfalls.  Tried that a few times and thought, "Screw this!  I'm screaming."  Family slowly started to trickle in, watching me scream in pain.  My dad had to leave the room because I don't think he was able to see me in this state.  I think it pained him to see me in pain.

Finally, my lab results came back (rather quickly) and my bag of fluid was finished. Around 5:30 a.m. the anesthesiologist came in to prep me for my epidural.  Everyone had to leave, including Tyson.  I wasn't happy about Tyson having to leave, but I wasn't going to argue.  I just wanted the epidural.  So, I get prepped, and I'm having multiple contractions at this point.  I start begging for him to NOT do the epidural while I had a contraction.  Both him and the nurse told me mine were coming too quickly and it was unavoidable.  Epidural goes in, family starts trickling back in, and the epidural slowly starts kicking in.  It numbed more of my left than my right.  I couldn't move my left leg, but I could my right.  It was so weird.  Once it kicked in, I was in total bliss and talking about how AWESOME this epidural was.  I never want to feel those contractions I had.....EVER again.  Horrible.  The epidural going in was interesting.  The numbing shot sucked the worst.  It was a really bad stinging sensation when he injected the medicine.  After that, it was just a really weird pressure feeling in my spine from him sticking the epidural catheter in.  Kind of gives me the heebie jeebies.

A few euphoric hours roll on by, we're all hanging out, and then around 8:30 a.m. I heard a loud pop, felt a pop inside my body, and felt my body do a quick jolt during the pop.  I then drowsily stated, "I think my water just broke."  Everyone in the room laughed and Tyson goes, "YA THINK!?!"  Everyone heard it along with the loud gush, which I did NOT hear, but apparently, there was a loud gush that came with the pop.  As soon as my water broke, I could feel Brynlee move lower into the pelvis.  It was the weirdest feeling ever.  It felt like a strong pressure, but it didn't hurt, thanks to the epidural.  All I could think about at this point was, "How bad would this suck if I didn't have the epidural?"  And, I was thinking that I started contracting at 2 this morning and my water is just now breaking at 8:30 a.m.  To be contracting still at this point would send me over the edge........of a cliff!

*Sighhh*....epidural bliss!

While lying in bed, they like you to switch from your back to your sides once in a while to get the baby moving downward.  After switching from my back to my left, I was reminded to go to my right by my family.  Shortly after doing so, I started to feel contraction pains in my upper back on the right side.  It started to wrap to the upper front of my stomach.  I started to panic thinking the epidural was wearing off.  You hear those horror stories.  Just as I was feeling it on my right, it started wrapping to my left.  I REALLY began to panic.  The doctor and nurses came in to check on me, I told them what was happening, but everyone couldn't understand why I was feeling the contractions from above.  They kept asking me if I felt anything lower, and I told them no.  At about 10:30 a.m. the doctor then checked me and goes, "Oh!  Yep!  She's rimming."  I asked her what that was and she told me that basically I was at 9 1/2 cm dilated and that's why I was feeling the contractions from above.  At that point, I was so excited and it had happened too perfect and fast!  They get the anesthesiologist in.  She increased my epidural dosage, and then all was right with the world.  The pain went away.  As more time went on, I guess I had hit 10 cm, but they wanted to give me about 30 more minutes so Brynlee could labor down.

At about 12:30 I began to take my very first push.  It felt interesting.  Just a lot of pressure and a foreign object feeling down there, but again, no pain.  Thank goodness.  After about 15 minutes of pushing, the nurse was telling me that Brynlee was not liking the pushing and that her heart rate would drop every time I pushed.  I could tell in the tone in her voice something wasn't right.  I had a knotted feeling in my stomach.  The doctor calls the nurse on her hospital phone and I could here the nurse saying, "So, you're seeing what I'm seeing."  I guess the doctor was monitoring me through some sort of system they have.  The doctor then comes in to tell me that my baby is not responding well to the pushing.  It was then I could tell in the tone of her voice that she was going to throw out the dreaded word "c-section" at me.  My heart sank completely and I waited for it.  Sure enough, she tells me that we might have to go that route because there's a possibility there's some umbilical cord compression going on causing her heart rate to drop every time I push, but we're going to wait 30 more minutes, let me labor down some more, and then we'll try to push again. If she responds the same way she's been, we're going in for a c-section.  I of course started bawling my eyes out and saying, "Why me?"  I was so upset.  My labor was going so perfectly and seemed very textbook, and now THIS?!

Here's me crying about the c-section like one big, wussy baby! At least ONE person kept a smile on his face.

About 45 minutes goes by and the nurse comes in to have me start pushing again.  I push 3 more times, but by the 3rd time, the nurse goes, "Yep, I don't even feel comfortable with you pushing again.  She's not liking it."  I cried to my sister and stepmom who really wanted me to have a vaginal birth because they never got to experience it from having c-sections, but they let me know that they're even as scared as the nurse and they think it's smart for me to have a c-section.  The nurse checked for Brynlee's heartbeat and at this point, she couldn't find it.  Finally, it came back, but made a slow recovery.  At one point, her heartbeat dropped from 150 something to 70 beats per minute.  I was totally oblivious to all of this.  All I was thinking is that I thought it was normal for babies heart rates to drop with pushing, so why is this doctor wanting to do a c-section with me?  Around 2:00 p.m., the doctor comes in and gives me the big speech about a c-section and that we're doing it.  All the while, I'm bawling my eyes out thinking I just lost out on the experience I wanted and how I'm forever going to have this ugly scar in my bikini area.

Prepping for the c-section and looking darn sexy....NOT!  Don't confuse that smile for happiness.  I was pretty darn frustrated at that point.  I just smiled because I was told to do so.

They start giving me more meds to totally numb me and start wheeling me into the operating room.  By this point, I'm so tired and drugged up that I'm feeling drunk and shaking, again, uncontrollably.  Apparently all normal from the epidural and medications.  It was ridiculous, though. I still managed to silently shed tears down my face the whole way there because I was so scared and so upset.  They get me all prepped, strap my arms down, and my heart is beating hard.  I was anticipating that feeling of them cutting me.  Tyson sat down next to me all dressed in his scrubs and cap.  I'm looking at him silently crying.  They ask me if I feel anything.  I tell them no, and at this point, I know they've started cutting and I felt relieved to have not been feeling a thing.  I start feeling tugging and a pressure.  I felt a hand press on my abdomen real hard that it took my breath away.  Then, I felt like something was being taken out of my stomach, and that's when I heard, "Yep!  Cord around the neck," from the doctor.  I repeated what she said in a questionable way saying, "So that's what was wrong?  She got the cord around her neck?"  I saw a lady rush over to a warmer, but I couldn't see my baby.  I knew she had her, though. I began asking a lot of questions like, "What time was she born?" "So, that's what was wrong?  Her cord was around her neck?"  Again, so drunk from the drugs.

Forever went by and I was anticipating a screeching cry from my little girl.  I heard nothing.  I look over at Tyson who had just come back from trying to take pictures but was told, "Not yet, Dad," from one of the doctors and asked him, "Is everything is okay?" and "Why isn't she crying?"  I'm crying, again, at this point....scared.  Tyson tried to reassure me that everything was okay, but I was tearing up, wondering why it was taking her so long to give us a good cry. Finally, I heard a wail.  From what Tyson said, it took 30 seconds for her to give a cry once she was taken out.  A LONG 30 seconds.  Tyson was immediately over at the warmer and tears started to flood down my face.  My heart completely melted.  It was then that I felt like I completely transformed and my life changed.  It was later on, after a day or so, Tyson admitted to me he he got kind of scared at that time we were in the operating room and we didn't hear her cry.  Good thing he never told me he was scared, and kept calming my fears.

After cleaning her and getting her all tested out, she was brought over to me, screaming her head off.  I wanted to kiss her so bad, but the lady was holding her too far.  I wanted to grab her, but my arms were strapped down.  All I could say was, "Hi, baby," over and over.

Looking at my new baby girl, lovingly.

So there you have it.  March 23rd, 2013, at 2:36 p.m., after about 12 hours of laboring, I gave birth to a 7 lb. 6 oz. and 20 in. long baby girl.  We were told in the hospital that she was 20 1/2 inches long, but later found out at the pediatricians 6 days after she was born that she was actually only 20 inches.

I guess you could say I pretty much got a little taste of everything when it comes to labor and delivery.  I got to experience going into labor on my own and feeling true, hardcore contractions.  I got to experience my water naturally breaking.  I got to experience pushing, but then got to experience a c-section.  Just a little bit of everything.

I think back at my old posts of how I was scared that I wouldn't know the difference between a false VS a TRUE contraction.  Everyone kept telling me, "Oh.  You will know!"  I kept doubting them, thinking that my Braxton Hicks felt VERY real.  But, after experiencing real contractions VS Braxton Hicks....OH!!!! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE MY FRIENDS!!!  I can't believe how fast and furious my contractions hit.  There was no easing into it, but I guess that was kind of expected since I was already half way dilated and 60% effaced. I knew it would go quickly once it was go time, and sure enough, it happened QUICKLY.

Overall, we are trying to adjust as new parents, finding a new normal.  It's still taking some getting used to and can be trying and overwhelming at times.  But, we absolutely love her, and she's so precious.  I can't wait to see growth and developments in her.  It will be so fun.  I do plan on keeping up with the blog about our life as a family of 3, now.  I'm going to aim for weekly updates like I did with the pregnancy.  I won't go this long without posting like I have done over the last 3 weeks.  It was just that I knew this post would take a long time to write, and I needed time to sit down to do it; which, with a newborn, is VERY hard to do!  Plus, I've been put through a lot over the last few weeks with trying to recover from a c-section, while taking care of a newborn.  Oh!  And I caught an almost week long fever thanks to some infection brewing in my body.  It's just been a little much lately.  Anyways!  Stay tuned for upcoming updates on our new family of 3!  For now, enjoy some Brynlee pictures!

I can't believe that THIS was inside my tummy.  Where did it all go?!?!

Oh, now, THAT'S a good one!  SO pissed!

Proud daddy!

Priceless picture of my sister and mom getting to hold Brynlee for the first time.

Brynlee's footprints on Daddy's scrubs.

Mommy and daughter snuggles and cuddles.

First bath.  I never got to see this.  I was drugged, half asleep, and people were crowded around the warmer.  All I could hear was crying from her end.

That one look could melt anyone's heart.  It did mine.

Sleeping on Daddy.

Daddy imitating how Brynlee sleeps.

Perfect moment of holding Daddy's hand.  I just had to get a picture of this.

My sweets.

The day we left the hospital and headed home!

38 Week Bumpdate

Here I am at 38 weeks and 6 days pregnant and BEYOND getting impatient.

It's not because I feel huge and uncomfy.  Actually, even though I am getting a little cramped and uncomfortable, I'm more just wanting to meet our daughter.  Our little love!  I want to hold her, I want to grab her hand, and I want to shower her with sweet kisses.  Tomorrow, I'm officially one week away from my due date, and being so close makes the anticipation heighten.

Highlights from this week's doctor's appointment:

• I'm now 4 cm. dilated, but still 50% effaced.
• Head's still down and engaged in my pelvis, I'm at -2 station, still.
• Her heartbeat was 150 bmp.  Last week it was 136.  I forgot to type that in my last post.
• I'm measuring right on track.

Overall, the doctor was very happy with my progress.  She said that usually when a woman hits 4 cm. in dilation, real deal labor can kick start any time now, but just as a precaution to make sure she didn't get my hopes up, she said that I could be this dilated for 3 more weeks if my body wanted to do that to me.  Torture.  She said one thing that she offers around 39 weeks is what they call stripping of the membranes a.k.a. a membrane sweep.  It's a natural way of inducing and getting labor going, but only by a 50% chance. What she'll do is take a finger and literally sweep it back and forth, separating the bag of water from the cervix.  This is supposed to release the prostaglandins hormone which gets contractions going. She told me to think about it and if I'd like to have it done.  Well, this upcoming Tuesday, I'm going to say, "STRIP AWAY!!!"  There's no hurt to it.  It doesn't put me or the baby in danger and HEY!, 50% is 50%.  Better than 0!

This week, I've been on Spring Break from work, therefore, WE GOT THE NURSERY FINISHED!!!!!!  Finally!!!  As promised, here are pictures of Brynlee's nursery.

The whole view of her nursery

Another whole view.  WHITE SHAG RUG from Target.

Mirror I picked up at Marshall's for $80! 

View of the changing/dresser area.  WHITE DRESSER is from Amazon.

Close up view above the dresser.  I'm putting blush colored candles in the candle holders of the sconce.  I made those square art decor.  They were mirrors from IKEA that I had gotten about 7 years ago.  I painted them an antique white/cream, hot glued lace and crystals, and then replaced the mirror squares with a square of scrapbook paper.

View of her crib.  WHITE CRIB is from Target.  The rest of her bedding is in Austin where it was made.  Got the RUFFLED BED SKIRT as a gift from my mother-in-law from Pottery Barn Kids.

Close up view of the "blinged out" LOVE sign.  Got it at Hobby Lobby on clearance.  LOVED that it had the crystals in it that I wanted to incorporate into her room.  LOVE for my little LOVE!

Here's a picture of Brynlee's crib bumper.  If you remember from many posts ago, THIS WAS MY INSPIRATION, but I was not about to go and spend $400 on just a crib bumper.  My mother-in-law found someone to make this for me.  So, EXTREMELY grateful that she took the time to do this for me!  Love you, Nancy!!!

Little rocking corner.  BEIGE AND WHITE GLIDER is from Target .

 

Another view of the glider.  I got her SHABBY CHIC RUFFLED DRAPERY PANEL from Target .

Close up view of what's on the glider.  Had to get a blinged out and sparkly pillow, of course!!!  I just bought this pillow slipcover from Hobby Lobby and covered one of my old 20x20 decorative pillows I had.

And my favorite piece in her room.... A CHANDELIER given to me as a gift.  It was purchased from Hobby Lobby.

And to finish it off....side-by-side baby pictures of me next to Brynlee's 29 week ultrasound picture.  Can't wait to see how much of me and Tyson she looks like!!!

Whew!  I worked so hard on that nursery, coming up with every, little detail.  So glad it's finished.

Overall, I'm still feeling fine, but just getting impatient like I said before.  I can't believe we are ONE WEEK away from her due date.  Now, this IS an estimated due date, and only 5% of women actually go in to labor on their due date.  She could very well go past the 24th, being that I'm not actually considered overdue until 42 weeks.  I'm crossing my fingers that she'll be here some time next week.  This Wednesday, the 20th, is my birthday.  Tyson is banking on her being born on my birthday.  I'm saying she'll be one day late and be here the 25th.  All I know is that I HOPE she's early and NOT late.  Until then, I'm going to sit back and be patient as possible.  It's not like she'll be in my tummy forever! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How far along? Posting this at 38 weeks and 6 days!

Total weight gain/loss:  I have actually LOST weight!!!!  I lost 2 lbs. in one week, so now I'm down to only 23 lbs. gained from my pre-pregnancy weight.
 

Maternity clothes?  No more buying of the maternity wear!  She'll be here sooner than we know it!

Stretch marks?  Okay.  So, I still have the same stretch marks I've acquired on the tummy.  I can't tell of any new ones, except for a few on my hips.  But, GUESS WHAT I'VE DEVELOPED?!?!?!  Freakin' PUPPPS!  They stand for Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy, and THEY. ARE. AWFUL!!!  It's a very, very, VERY intense itchy rash that develops on the stretch marks, and it's HIDEOUS looking along with just making me down right miserable.  Apparently, it's rare and only about 1 in 160-240 women get it.  Of course I had to be part of that rare percentage!  This pregnancy couldn't have gone COMPLETELY flawless! *insert sarcasm*  They don't know what causes it.  They think there's a link to the overstretching of the skin and hormones.  Usually, it occurs in first time pregnancies.  There's nothing we can do to get rid of it, except deliver this baby.  Doctor says to take Benedryl and rub Hydrocortisone cream (which are both a complete joke) and "hang in there, I'm so close!"  I just want to itch my skin off!!!  It only goes away once I deliver.  That's the only cure.  Luckily, it doesn't harm me or the baby, AND I developed this about a couple of weeks close to my due date. Some women get it earlier, in which, I feel EXTREMELY sorry for them that they'll suffer weeks on end with this.  So, this is one OTHER reason I'm getting impatient to deliver.  Until then, I'm trying to keep a smiling, positive attitude.

Sleep: Sleeping fine for the most part, but the itchiness of the PUPPPS wakes me up once in a while.  Wahhh!!!...I want to cry...

Best moment this week: Finding out that I am now 4 cm. dilated.  From what I understand, the hard part of dilation is out of the way.  I sure hope so.  Oh!  And getting the nursery finished....YAYYYYY!!!!!

Have you told family and friends: That I'm pregnant, yes... MANY weeks ago.  Now, I can't wait to tell family and friends of Brynlee's arrival!

Miss Anything?  Definitely booze.  I could use a really stiff drink.

Symptoms: Back pain, waddling/shufflling, achiness in the belly, frequent bathroom trips, random pelvic pains, sometimes sharp lightening shock pains "down there", fatigue (where's this so called burst of energy?!?), no appetite, and false labor pains.

Movement: This week, she was SO active, bumping around all over the place.  I've been reading that the baby shouldn't move around as much as they did in the earlier weeks due to lack of room.  So much for that!  I think this is the most active she's ever been!  Tyson and I were sitting side by side last night, watching a movie.  She was moving and kicking Tyson's arm, and he had no idea what it was at first until he lifted the blanket off my tummy and watched it move.  This made me get a good chuckle.  
They also say that when you're about to go into labor, the baby slows down in movement.  Well, Brynlee, slow your roll, girlfriend because you're not giving me hope that I'll be going into labor any time soon with all of your shoving and wiggling.

Food cravings: Chick-fil-A lemonade and fruit smoothies.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Actually, all of her moving has made my tummy feel all up in knots. Although, I HAVE been getting this random ickiness feeling in my tummy.  Don't know what it's from.  I've read that it could be from a drop in progesterone, meaning, labor is imminent.  CROSSING MY FINGERS!!!  Ugh.  But, I've got to remain patient.

Have you started to show yet: Been told I look like I'm about ready to POP by every stranger I come into contact with.  However, I'm not one of those women who get offended by that.  I embrace it and am like, "AMEN SISTA!  You BET I'm about ready to POP!" :)

 

Gender prediction: No more predicting....I'm going to be a mommy to a little girl!!!  Something I've always wanted.  And then I'll probably back track when she hits her pre-teen/teenage years.

Labor Signs: Stronger Braxton Hicks for sure.  Starting to freak out and hope I will be able to tell the difference between real labor VS false.  I've been told, "OH!  You will KNOW!"  We'll just see!

Belly Button in or out?  Out with just a teensy tinsey bit still in.

Wedding rings on or off? No swelling, so still on.  

Happy or Moody most of the time: Overall, happy.  Moody will start to hit probably this upcoming week because I will be back to work, uncomfortable from being on my feet, and on my last leg of pregnancy.

Looking forward to: At this point, meeting Ms. Brynlee Taylor.